Cancer Blog #102
By Brian Zimmerman
Begun on July 31, 2021
Email: dyingman1@yahoo.com
My Dying Words
Entry #102– Medical Update
March 1, 2024
Update: “48 chemo treatment sessions.” That was the number that the oncology nurse practitioner (NP) came up with after counting back in my chart since I started chemotherapy. I knew that my oncologist had told me at the beginning that some patients, because of the type of cancer and chemo, could take chemo for the rest of their lives, so my number wasn’t likely to be some record. But, both the oncologist and his NP told me that 48 chemo treatments were a lot – a whole lot. So, when I showed up for my CT scan review appointment last Wednesday (February 28), we (my wife and I) were in full agreement with his recommendation: stop the chemo. My last chemo session was February 7, and then he wanted another status CT scan on May 20, which, by my count, is >14 weeks, thus a total of more than 3 months with no chemo treatment.
He has two goals in stopping the treatments: 1. To give my body some time to recover from the side effects. How much recovery will occur is anybody’s guess. I’m growing much weaker as the treatments continue and hope my central nervous system/immune system can begin to rebound. Fortunately, God has let my bone marrow continue to function virtually normally, another miracle. At least my body needs no energy to effect any healing there. 2. To get me to reduce the amount of prednisone I’m taking from the 15 mg/day that I’m currently taking down to 10mg/day. I’ve been increasing slowly the daily amount to be able tolerate all of the side effects I experience every day. Once you hit 20mg/day, the oncologist told me, you are immunocompromised and are much more susceptible to infections. He seemed to think that there was nothing much to this task other than to be sure to take it slowly, say drop it about 1mg/daily per week (so, next go to 14mg/day for a week, then 13mg/day for week, etc.). I, on the other hand, am not so sure as I’ve been through this process before back (I can’t remember how far back, a year maybe?) when I was trying to wean myself off of prednisone completely. As my daily prednisone dose dropped, I got weaker and weaker (as my adrenal gland failed to produce more cortisol, which is basically like prednisone) so that I got weaker and weaker and eventually was sleeping every time I sat down, or was taking naps often. In other words, it was a very unsuccessful attempt and wasn’t very enjoyable either. So, I’ve taken the liberty of scheduling an appointment with my PCP (primary care physician) (I told my oncologist about the PCP visit and I got the impression he wasn’t convinced that it was necessary). I go to see the PCP on March 19. Always something, yes?
As I’ve said before, what this cessation means for the growth of the cancer in my lungs and esophagus, or metastases is impossible to say. The oncologist thinks that it’s possible that nothing will happen so that after 3 months, the next status CT scan will show, all is quiescent and he’ll recommend 3 more months of chemo holiday. Maybe he’s right, but no one knows. If so, that would give me more recovery time and prednisone reduction time. But, God is in control of all these things, not me. Meanwhile, I work through the side effects every day and pray they will diminish to permit me to mow the grass this summer. I know this is not everyone’s idea of a chemo holiday or a blessing, but it is to me!
Meditation:
[2Co 12:7-10] 7 “Because of the surpassing greatness of the revelations, for this reason, to keep me from exalting myself, there was given me a thorn in the flesh, a messenger of Satan to torment me to keep me from exalting myself! 8 Concerning this I implored the Lord three times that it might leave me. 9 And He has said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for power is perfected in weakness.” Most gladly, therefore, I will rather boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may dwell in me. 10 Therefore I am well content with weaknesses, with insults, with distresses, with persecutions, with difficulties, for Christ’s sake; for when I am weak, then I am strong.”
I am no apostle Paul, who suffered worse than I have and for a greater cause. Nonetheless, I think Paul was taught an important principle. There are sufferings that come from God even through a messenger of Satan, sufferings that no amount of prayer will remove. I have always believed that this cancer and its treatment and side effects were discipline for me to endure (as discussed before per the explanation of discipline in Hebrews 12). Paul never tells us what the thorn in the flesh is, but it is interesting to note that once Jesus explains the general principle of suffering (in vs.9), Paul embraces his sufferings and broadens them to include all manner of things (in vs.10) such insults, distresses, etc. Yet Paul concludes: “…for when I am weak, then I am strong.” I think the natural response to suffering, like a terminal disease, is immediately to seek relief. And, Paul does just that, as he mentions in vs.8. He implored Jesus for the removal of his torment, yet the answer was “No”. As I said in my little paper on healing, no healing is guaranteed. The answer might come back as “No” in spite of how much we implore because Jesus also teaches us to pray, “Thy kingdom come, Thy will be done.” And in those cases, God wants us to see that His power is perfected in our weaknesses: “…when I am weak, then I am strong.” In those moments, we will see Jesus’ power at work in us to help us have the opportunity to grow stronger and boast in that weakness. We will know that God’s grace is truly sufficient in a way we may have never known without that suffering.
Because of this principle, I intend to try to be well content with my weaknesses, for it is then I hope to grow in Jesus’ strength and grace. Amen, Lord, may you help me make it so.