Cancer Blog #108
By Brian Zimmerman
Begun on July 31, 2021
Email: dyingman1@yahoo.com
My Dying Words
Entry #108: Medical Update and a Short Meditation
Medical Update (07/22/2024): Well, I finally did it. I joined hospice. I had my brain MRI on Wednesday night (taken over to the place by my daughter, who is a surgical RN). Thursday morning my oncologist called to tell me I have a brain tumor. (It wasn’t on My Chart so I didn’t know for sure.) My oncologist said there was three treatment options: the chemo route, which doesn’t work too well because of the blood/brain barrier. Nix on that. The surgical option: just cut off parts of my brain that they don’t think I’ll need. Hmmm. I don’t think so. Even if they could get at the metatheses in the head, where did this mass come from (my chest or esophageal CA to thank)? Then the radiation option: really trying to shrink the tumor (before surgery, for instance, or just help with the nausea/dizziness). Well, no thanks to before the surgery, but I appreciate the mercy via the chemical means. So, that’s where we went. He ordered the dexamethasone (16mg/day) to help get the nausea and vomiting down. The vestibular symptoms would disappear. Unfortunately, the increased dexamethasone (another corticosteroid) joins forces with the corticosteroid I’m already taking: prednisone. Do I need both? I’ve been on prednisone for 3 years for side effects coming from the chemo taking. But, the side effects of the chemo taking are nothing compared to the (lingering) effects on my adrenal glands. So, it’s a tradeoff: the dexamethasone was by the oncologist and the hospice nurse not be stopped. Of course, the weight gain is not till I eat the food!
You would think after 6 years of home care I would know, but hospice is its own service. They become your PCP (primary care physician), over your oncologist (are the scans for body and brain (CT and brain MRI) going to take place? I don’t know. And, will the pneumatologist’s consult still be legitimate and covered come August 8? And, even this morning, we found out that allopurinol (to prevent gout attacks) and ipratropium (the prescription version of Flonase) would not be covered! But, the Medicare is behind all this. To be sure Medicare will pay for this cure: is the care palliative or curative? Anyway, so we found the hospice group on Friday morning. Yet, it turns out the head of the church home group will be the head MD of the hospice group this weekend. And, my (step) uncle is a retired orthopedic surgeon. He is still very helpful with the meds. What a blessing to have such good help!
Plus, I worked with Carilion health hospice, and our spiritual needs will be met by you, the church. They were fine with that. No problem.
So, we can only guess at fast the tumor(s) will be growing. Who knows? They go by clinical means. He more by test results. I don’t know. My guess is clinical means.
Mediation: I hope you don’t mind, but Bach’s cantata is a favorite of mine (I’m writing like a drunken man, and I hope my typing is a little better!). He was after the Reformation and so was a staunch Lutheran. He was moved to hear the “Sleepers, awake” cantata in the Lutheran’s pastor’s repertoire. He moved that song into the (virgins’) call for the sleepers’ awake. But, I’m reminded of the 1 Corinthians 15 51-52 passage:
“Behold, I tell you a mystery. Would we not all be asleep, but we shall all be changed, in a moment, in the twinkling of an eye, at the last trumpet. For the trumpet shall sound, and the dead will be raised imperishable, we shall be changed.”
What a great hope we have! That trumpet will sound, and those sleep will awake. We will be changed, we brush off the imperishable and put on the imperishable. The brain tumor, the lung metastases, the esophageal CA mean nothing to me. What matters is that statement: “We shall be changed”! “Sleeper, awake” is our cry, our hope, our joy! And, a great joy it is!