Cancer Blog #44
By Brian Zimmerman
Begun on July 31, 2021
Email: dyingman1@yahoo.com
My Dying Words
Entry #44 – Death and a Vaccine
June 20, 2022
[Job 14:1-12 NASB95] 1 “Man, who is born of woman, Is short-lived and full of turmoil. 2 “Like a flower he comes forth and withers. He also flees like a shadow and does not remain. 3 “You also open Your eyes on him And bring him into judgment with Yourself. 4 “Who can make the clean out of the unclean? No one! 5 “Since his days are determined, The number of his months is with You; And his limits You have set so that he cannot pass. 6 “Turn Your gaze from him that he may rest, Until he fulfills his day like a hired man. 7 “For there is hope for a tree, When it is cut down, that it will sprout again, And its shoots will not fail. 8 “Though its roots grow old in the ground And its stump dies in the dry soil, 9 At the scent of water it will flourish And put forth sprigs like a plant. 10 “But man dies and lies prostrate. Man expires, and where is he? 11 “[As] water evaporates from the sea, And a river becomes parched and dried up, 12 So man lies down and does not rise. Until the heavens are no longer, He will not awake nor be aroused out of his sleep.”
Our culture has many serious problems, and as we live in this culture, even as Christians we may share the problem to a very great degree. The problem can be stated like this: we live as if we have been vaccinated against death. But, the passage above from Job warns against such a view. Job discusses both the finality of death and its uncertain timing. It is with God that life’s length is held; He knows our beginning and our end. We don’t know it, yet we, as a part of this hedonistic culture, often live as if we do. Along with our neighbors, we might in foolishness, or ignorance, or arrogance, act as if we can plan our future, including the time of our own death. The simple truth is: we cannot, and it is folly to pretend otherwise. Our life’s extent and the time of our death are determined by God’s plan ultimately. As I’ve said before, that is certainly one reason behind the first petition of the Lord ’s Prayer: “Your kingdom come, Your will be done.” The number of months you will live has already been counted by God. He knows the date, time, and place of your death. Don’t continue to live as if you do. There are actuarial tables that insurance companies use to give you a length of time you are likely to live, but for you and your time of death, that actuarial life span is merely a best guess. You may exercise and eat healthy foods, not be overweight or a smoker, but the limit God has set for your life cannot be passed. It is unbendable in His eternal plan. Humanly speaking your life may be extended even with a terminal diagnosis. Mine certainly has been. As I’ve discussed before, the oncologist advised me that most people with my diagnosis and treatment protocol at this point in their cancer cycle are dead. Yet, I am alive. There are certainly secondary reasons that I hold are behind that extension: the love of friend who helped get my oncology treatment initiated, an anointing, a vow taken, many, many prayers, and, of course, my medical treatment protocol.
But, Job is not speaking of that earthly temporal process. He speaks of the eternal and immutable plan of God, which cannot be known or changed or thwarted by us. We have no control of that plan. It is fixed and certain, as well as perfectly just, wise, and loving. But, the time of our own individual death is hidden from us in that plan. May God grant that each of us take no day for granted, never believe our plans will prevail, and live each day prepared to pray, as my wife and I do each day from the Book of Common Prayer: “And grant us grace always to live in such a state that we may never be afraid to die; so that, living and dying, we may be thine, through the merits and satisfaction of Thy Son Christ Jesus, in whose Name we offer up these our imperfect prayers. Amen”
Next: Death and Judgment
Medical update: I had my status CT scan last Friday and a scan review appointment with my oncologist yesterday (Monday). The scan shows that the cancer nodules in my lungs are active again: they are increasing in size and number. The oncologist discussed my options, which were basically 3 (remember my prognosis is treatable, not curable): first, I could go back on my immunotherapy drug (Opdivo) in addition to taking my oral cancer drug, Xeloda (which I have never stopped taking). Second, I could go on one of several second string cancer drugs. Third, he could try to get me into a clinical trial at some big university hospital setting (e.g., UVa or Duke).
I chose the Opdivo course – and I believe that was his first choice – reasoning that it had worked for more than a year, and further, I preferred the devil I know to the one I don’t know (as the saying goes).
He feels that the cancer is not in any rapid growth phase, and told me I could start treatment when my family returns from our beach vacation in several weeks. I’m not looking forward to this restart of the Opdivo as last spring when I started it, my immune system went nuts and he had to shut down my immune system with a large dose of prednisone and then restart the therapy, this time giving me a cocktail of steroids before the IV administration of the Opdivo. I hope it goes better this time. At least this time we know I should have the steroid IV cocktail before the Opdivo injection!