Cancer Blog #59
By Brian Zimmerman
Begun on July 31, 2021
Email: dyingman1@yahoo.com
My Dying Words
Entry #59– Come Sweet Death
October 28, 2022
Come, sweet death, come, blessed rest! Come lead me to peace for I am weary of the world, O come! I wait for you, come soon and lead me, close my eyes. Come, blessed rest!
Come, sweet death, come blessed rest! It is better in heaven, for there is all pleasure greater, therefore I am at all times prepared to say “Farewell,”. I close my eyes. Come, blessed rest!
Come, sweet death, come blessed rest! O world, you torture chamber, oh! Stay with your lamentations in this world of sorrow, it is heaven that I desire, death shall bring me there. Come, blessed rest!
Come, sweet death, come blessed rest! Oh, that I were but already there among the hosts of angels, out of this black world into the blue, starry firmament, up to heaven. O blessed rest!
Come, sweet death, come blessed rest! I will now see Jesus and stand among the angels. It is henceforth completed, so, world, good night, my eyes are already closed. Come, blessed rest.
Author Anonymous, set to music by J.S. Bach
J.S. Bach is one of my favorite composers for a number of reasons. I have the complete works of Bach that my wife kindly purchased for me (142 CD’s! I’m slowly working my way through them – I’m on CD# 32). I feel as if I may detract from this poem by commenting on it (unlike Bach, whose music enhances it).
Nonetheless, I would like to make a few brief remarks. I have never heard this song or lyrics before last week. They are so wonderful to me for two simple reasons, one negative, and one positive. The negative being his view of the brokenness of this world: “I am weary of the world,” “O world, you torture chamber, oh! Stay with your lamentations in this world of sorrow…”, “…out of this black world…”. There’s more than brokenness to this world, but as we prepare to die, it is appropriate to meditate on the curse from God on this age, with our death being the greatest curse of all!
The positive reason he relates is such a refreshment to me as I prepare to die: “…lead me to peace…”, “…it is better in heaven, for there is all pleasure greater…”, “…it is heaven I desire…”, “Oh, that I were already there among the hosts of angels…into the blue, starry firmament…”, “…I will now see Jesus stand among the angels…”. Death can provide a release, a help to us.
It is for these two sets of reasons that this unknown poet can say (and I say with him) repeatedly: “Come, sweet death, come blessed rest!”
Next: The Greater Treasure
Medical Update
I needed to update my medical situation so I’ll take a minute to do that. As I have mentioned before, the oncologist stopped one of the two medications I was on back in March (Opdivo, an immunotherapy drug), and for the last two status CT scans, my cancer was found to be growing again. So, he stopped also the other chemo drug (Xeloda, an oral med), and started me on two new medications. These are the second string, I mean, second tier medications, both IV infusions using my porta Cath. The first is Taxol, an old school med first used in the 1970’s. It’s a hammer that hits fast growing nails, uh, cells. The second is a monoclonal antibody, targeting more specifically the type of cancer I have (GE cancer, i.e., gastroesophageal cancer). This drug is call Ramucirumab (the ab at the end tells you it’s an antibody).
To try to prevent a reaction while receiving the drug, I have to take a steroid 12 hours before administration, and 6 hours before. Of course, for me, if I receive the drugs at 930am, it means I’m being woken up twice as I go to bed quite early. It also means I’m pretty juiced the next day as steroids tend to have that effect.
There are several side effects they’re watching for: one is significant blood pressure changes. Ramucirumab tends to raise your blood pressure, Taxol tends to lower it. The other side effect is an increase in my neuropathy (numbness and tingling, sometimes pain, in my hands and feet). So far, the neuropathy increased on day one, but returned to its normal state after that (mild neuropathy). The blood pressure has been odd. My blood pressure has been normal my whole life: 120/80. During my illness, it’s been drifting upwards and has been around 150/80 in the past several months. Now, every morning it’s 140/80, and every evening 120/80 for the past 6 days. The one exception was Monday evening when in the evening it dropped to 100/80, and I was very dizzy and unsteady. No fall but I had to sit not long after I stood up, then I drank a large glass of water and it went up to 108/78 and I felt a little better. That’s why I used to tell people on blood pressure medication to wait a second when they first stand to be sure their blood pressure wasn’t going to bottom out (a hypotensive episode) and cause them to pass out. I also encouraged people to take their blood pressure BEFORE they took their blood pressure medication to be sure their blood pressure wasn’t already normal or even low before they took their med. I had numerous patients referred to me because of that problem with the result that they fall and hit their heads, sometimes acquiring a subdural hematoma (SDH), i.e., a brain bleed. Don’t be one of those people as the saying goes.
I go in today for my second treatment. The pattern is: 2-1-2-0, in other words I take the 2 drugs on one Friday, then 1 drug (Taxol) the next Friday, then the 2 drugs again the following Friday, then am off a week with no treatment. So, today being the second treatment session, I take only the Taxol. Last time when I started chemotherapy (in April of 2021), the first session was a breeze, the second one and the ones following, not so much. So, I’ll put a note in my entry next week as I see how this session goes.