Cancer Blog #72
By Brian Zimmerman
Begun on July 31, 2021
Email: dyingman1@yahoo.com
My Dying Words
Entry #72– Courage in Dying
February 15, 2023
Dan 3:16-18] 16 Shadrach, Meshach, and Abed-nego replied to the king, “Nebuchadnezzar, we are not in need of an answer to give you concerning this matter. 17 “If it be [so,] our God whom we serve is able to rescue us from the furnace of blazing fire; and He will rescue us from your hand, O king. 18 “But [even] if [He does] not, let it be known to you, O king, that we are not going to serve your gods nor worship the golden statue that you have set up.”
We encounter here a passage that is part of a story that is familiar to many, even to those who have never read the Bible. My favorite part of the story when I was young was their adventure in the furnace and their miraculous deliverance. But now, as an old man, it’s their statement in verse 18 to Nebuchadnezzar that interests me, as it displays a courage rarely encountered. Though threatened with death, they refused to compromise. It is obvious from their statement that they have received no assurance from a prophet, much less directly that God will deliver them from a terrible death (and being burned alive surely has to be one of the worst). And, though they acknowledge that God has the power to deliver them, they go on to say, “But, even if He does not…”
These three men make it clear that for them, there are things worse than death. This is a statement and a belief that would be said and believed by few of us today. There are not many who would so order their priorities that avoiding death would not be their number one concern. Even among Christians, it is likely that many would fear death more than anything else, whether they admit it to themselves or not.
But, I chose this passage to help us realize that unless we expire suddenly or be threatened with imminent destruction (which is not likely for most of us), nonetheless we will all one day hear the word that we are facing the end, finally confronting death. What will your reaction be? Will it be like mine was initially, of shock and initial fear? Will it be a cause of great distress and fear, or anger and bitterness? Or, will you have the courage of these three men? Will you use it as an opportunity (as they did), to share your confidence that God can deliver you and give you more time (I call it a stay of execution!)? But, with more or less time, will you testify to your confidence in Him and continue to live out your life as one who is grateful for His mercy to you thus far? That moment will be an important one for you. It could be an occasion for worry and anxiety that might paralyze you and defeat you, or it could be the time when you can help your family and friends to prepare for your departure (and so with theirs also!). No matter what your initial response, find your courage even as you face your death. May God prepare you even now.
Next: What Happens When We Die?
MEDICAL UPDATE
I had my third infusion with the new drugs this past Wednesday (March 1). I have had it several times and so expected about the same effect this time: a little rubbery afterwards, but otherwise okay. Ha! I couldn’t have been more wrong.
First, the good news: the oncologist was very pleased with my progress. He had planned to have me on this regimen for four sessions. But, he has decided to increase it to six in light of my body’s ability to handle the drugs. That assessment was something we were glad to hear.
Now the not so good experience:
As I probably mentioned before, I receive a pretreatment cocktail of drugs to ward off the worst side effects of the chemo drugs. These pretreatment drugs included drugs to fight diarrhea and prevent allergic reactions (antihistamines and steroids). So, the treatment room RN asked me if I had received the Benadryl by syringe (they could give it by pill) and I said yes. Any side effects? No. Now, I’ve received this drug every time I’ve been for treatments for a long time with the same effect – nothing. This time when she pushed that drug into me, I experience what I guess crack cocaine users get, except mine was without any euphoria. Immediate effect. Ha!
I got a whoosh! In my brain, which then practically shut down and everything got dampened and toned down for me. I couldn’t think straight. She went back to the nursing station and I was left with trying to figure out what had just happened. In a short while I began to experience restless leg syndrome pretty severely, which is weird as I’ve only had that problem at night. It was driving me crazy and when the nurse came back, I told her about it. She told me that was one of the side effects of the Benadryl and said that next time we might have to go the pill route. I didn’t know what else to do to help, so I got up and using the IV pole as an assistive device, wobbled to the bathroom. I found that just the walking made the symptoms almost disappear.
I was very lethargic, falling asleep a number of times and almost dropping my reading materials, which I always bring with me. At the end, I was able to make it to the first floor and wait for my wife to pick me up. But, not only was I very tired, I still couldn’t think clearly. That finally had mostly cleared up by the time I was ready to go to bed (which wasn’t that long after getting home).
I have several thoughts about what may have happened: first, any medical facility may change drug suppliers, so maybe this drug came from another manufacturer. Second, maybe the nurse gave me a higher dose. Third, I’ve never had a nurse that I can remember just give the drug in a few seconds and leave. Instead of giving me a bolus (in this case, a single dose all at once), I think they usually inject some every minute or two and then inject some more to give the medicine time to be diluted. Fourth, maybe my body has just changed in its ability to handle the dose of Benadryl and I will have to get the pills next time.
Of course, one of Brian’s dictums is illustrated again. Remember the saying I taught patients all the time in home health: what does the referee tell two boxers entering the ring – “Defend yourself at all times.” The medical establishment isn’t your opponent or adversary, but they are human beings who are often rushed and have many things to attend to. You can help by watching, asking informed questions, and helping protect yourself against mistakes. Don’t be aggressive or rude; but be politely unintimidated.
I’ll let you know how the Benadryl episode resolves in the next entry.